Friday, March 12, 2010

Brain Freeze -- Writer's Poke #271

When I drive through the Hyvee parking lot, I often look at the special parking spots designated for the handicapped. Most users of these spots must have invisible handicaps, though, because as I walk up and down the aisles at the grocery store, I hardly ever see anyone in a wheel chair. So who are using these spots? Certainly not paraplegics.

But then it dawned on me. Maybe these spots aren't for people paralyzed from the neck down. Maybe they're set aside for people paralyzed from the neck up. Until these people speak, you'd never assume them to be anything other than normal. It's only after holding a conversation with them that you understand that they suffer from the worst handicap imaginable.

Millions of people suffer from brain freeze, and I'm not talking about the kind that comes from eating ice cream too quickly. Brain freeze often goes undiagnosed, and often times those that suffer from the condition don't even know they have it, because they tend to congregate among other people that have the same condition.

So who are the at risk groups? It's difficult to generalize, but in broad terms, people most susceptible to brain freeze are conservatives, traditionalists, and religious fundamentalists. Other at risk groups include people under the age of 25, people that do not read poetry, and people that text message more than fifty times per day.

Now that I've figured out who the people are that park in the designated spots, I don't have any problem walking a little farther. I just sincerely hope they are actively seeking the treatment they so desperately need. For there is a cure.

What keeps you from thinking?

"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it." -- Groucho Marx

In Memorium: "Lost Boy" Corey Haim