The Writer's Poke

Have you read John Updike's "A&P"? It's a short story, and the narrator asks what pretty girls have for brains -- perhaps just a fly buzzing around in a jar. Personally, I don't think Palin is stupid, but based on the limited number of interviews she's granted over the past couple of weeks, it's painfully evident that political issues aren't her forte. And that's unfortunate; since she somehow got elected governor of a state, and was "tapped" by McCain to be VP, you'd expect her to know something about political issues... Most of you have probably seen her response to Katie Couric's question about supreme court decisions, other than Roe v. Wade, that she disagrees with. Amazingly, she cannot come up with a single case. I look for patterns. It might even be excuseable for her just to be off for one question, or even one interview, but let's look at the pattern: 1. Charley Gibson asked her about the Bush Doctrine, and she ha...

I'm sure this cartoon was designed with science fiction in mind, but it also is a pretty good attack on James Joyce. Question: If a book is written by an author for his own amusement (i.e. Joyce, Pynchon, most post-modernists), can it ever really be considered "good"? When is it okay to break the rule of clarity in fiction?

From: http://xkcd.com/482/ Fun image... if you're at all interested in feeling small. Click the image for a view that you can actually read, or click the link for this image and a lot more funny stuff.

On May 1, 2003, President Bush declared "mission accomplished" in Iraq. Americans have short memories, and no balls. Most Americans don't even realize there are two American wars going on right now. How sad. Okay, I'll admit that I supported the invasion of Iraq. At the time, I doubted the line of bull the government was telling us, but I supported the removal of Hussein for his past offences. Who cared if we were punishing him 15 years too late, or under false pretenses? But by 2003, it became clear that our declared mission was over. Even Bush said so. And yet, we're still there 5 years later. If we even talk about leaving Iraq, Sean Hannity questions our patriotism, and says that we are giving aid and comfort to the enemy. So I have some questions: 1. How will we ever know when the mission is over, when it was declared over five years ago? 2. Who do we expect will "surrender" to U.S. forces? We're not fighting an army. We're fighting an ideo...

Here's another sign that the world will soon end -- no later than 2012 (especially if McCain/Palin steal the election). A farmer in Ohio commissioned aliens to carve a 16 acre picture of Sarah Palin in his cornfield. Starving people around the world applaud at the waste of corn -- all for America's corniest politician. Of course, if you've ever wondered what Palin would look like with cornrows, now's your chance. http://www.whitehousecornmaze.com/

First, why did McCain go to the debate? Isn't his campaign suspended? There's been no deal made in Washington, and yet McCain shows up at the Ole Miss debate... anyway, I'm glad he did. Second, why wouldn't McCain look at Obama? Jim Lehrer, the debate moderator, tried to get the candidates to interact with each other. Both seemed very reluctant to do so, but only Obama would look at McCain. Third, if McCain is so good at working with people, especially people across party lines, why did he keep belittling Obama? He kept calling Obama naive, and it was pretty obvious that he didn't think he should be on the same stage with Obama. Obama, on the other hand, always gave credit to McCain when he agreed with him or thought he was right on an issue. Does McCain really believe that Obama is never right? Fourth, even when the candidates shook hands after the debate, McCain clearly didn't want anything to do with Obama. Final thoughts: there probably wasn't a clear wi...

Some might think that Palin is a witch, but actually, she is not. She is protected from witches by her pastor: a man who once ran a witch out of his village in Africa. So this man knows witches, and if he blesses Palin, that's good enough proof for me... What a fun world we live in.

For Writers: When I was a small boy, I used to think it would be really cool to work highway construction. I wondered if the person that held the "Slow/Stop" sign was paid as much as the person jackhammering the concrete or laying the asphalt. I had no real interest in just being a sign holder, but it never occurred to me that crews might rotate duties. I also thought it might be fun to be a manager of a fancy hotel; at the time, I think I assumed that the manager lived in the hotel. And undoubtedly, the manager had one of the fancy suites on the top floor. But it wasn't just the glamor of living in a hotel that attracted me; I loved the idea of being in charge. And as shy as I sometimes was, I still liked the idea of being out in front of people -- or at the very least having some sort of fame. Did I value fame or power more? I don't know, but I often pretended that I was a DJ, I tried to write a play in third grade, and I didn't see any reason why I couldn't...

For Writers: I was seven years old when Ronald Reagan defeated Jimmy Carter in the 1980 presidential election. Like most kids my age, I'm sure, I followed the election very closely. Even though I was only in first grade, this was the first election that I got to vote in, thanks to Weekly Reader . And when the results came back, grade schoolers across the nation gave Reagan a clear mandate. Actually, most kids probably did not follow the election as closely as I did, but they heard who their parents supported, and the Weekly Reader results turned out to be a good indicator of how adults would vote on the "real" election day. On election night, it became clear pretty early in the evening that Carter was going to be defeated. And after Carter's concession speech, his own band played Happy Days Are Here Again . Even then I found it odd that Carter didn't have a more appropriate (at least from his perspective) song lined up, but maybe he never thought an old Hollywood...

http://www.comics.com/comics/pearls/archive/pearls-20080921.html Yes, I have a Ph.D. in English, but this cartoon captures why I almost didn't finish my Ph.D. :)

For Writers: In his book The Purpose-Driven Life , Rick Warren suggests that we all have a metaphor for life. It is this metaphor that shapes our perspectives and determines how we live. For example, people that believe “life is a game of cards” (chance) probably live much differently than people that think “life is a mission” (purpose). Metaphors are a kind of shorthand; they connect one “thing” with another “thing.” In the case of life, our understanding of life theoretically should grow when we see it in the context of a race, a journey, etc. As shorthand, however, metaphors also open themselves up to clichéd thinking. Who hasn’t heard that life is a rollercoaster, or a prison, or a mountain climb? Is how you live your life no better than a cliché? Consider your metaphor for life. Do you naturally migrate to one of the clichés noted above? Spend some time developing a fresh metaphor that better captures how you approach your life. “The greatest thing in style is to have command of m...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

For Writers: Linda and I watched a documentary on a Marla Olmstead, who is either a four-year old painting genius or the unfortunate victim of her father’s fraudulent representation. Director Amir Bar-Lev admits having his doubts about the art’s authenticity, but in the end, he leaves it up for viewers to decide. Admittedly, he suggests that he doesn’t really want to know the truth. He would rather just “believe” the Marla is the creator of the paintings. Bar-Lev and Marla’s parents also note that the camera alters reality. Marla’s whole personality and approach to art apparently changes with the presence of the camera. This led Linda to observe: “What would a documentary maker capture if they made a documentary about your life?” It’s an interesting question. I’ve never witnessed a nastier political race than the 2008 Minnesota contest for senator. The Republican candidate tried to brand his opponent, claiming: This 30 seconds represents the essence of the man running against me. Thirt...

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A friend sent me this. Comments? I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight..... 1. If you grow up in Hawaii , raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different." If you grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, it's a quintessential American story. 2. If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim. Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick. 3. Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable. Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded. 4. If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer,become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate re...

Sarah Palin actions figures coming to a Walmart near you! Anyway... here's a cool link to the Palin Name Generator: http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html My name (Bret Ramon) becomes McCain Fortress My wife's name (Linda Diane) becomes Luger Otter My daughter's name (Octavia Hermione) becomes Jeep Pike Give it a shot. But if you play in the NFL, don't change your name until Reebok has sold all of your jerseys! http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/It-ll-cost-mucho-dinero-for-Chad-Ochocinco-to-sw?urn=nfl,106605

At least twenty-three people in Indonesia gave up their lives for the equivalent of $4.25. Can anyone in the U.S. really understand how the rest of the world lives? http://www.kansascity.com/451/story/797263.html

For Writers: Making reference to God, a character in a Sherman Alexie short story quips, “He’s got potential.” In this case, “potential” acts as a noun, and it’s an absolutely brilliant way to describe God. On one level, it suggests that God has the ability to continue to grow, to develop. How can that be? Can a perfect, omniscient being – and the creator of “everything,” grow? After all, when you’ve done it all, what more is possible? Another interpretation of “potential” is even more fun, suggesting that God doesn’t yet exist, but could, assuming the conditions were just right. Well, why not? The tiny human brain assumes that everything must have a beginning, and so why should God be any different? Instead of simply assuming that God has always existed, why not accept that God will, perhaps, exist? Some day. If the existence of God were linked to how you used your potential, would it change how you lived your life? Why or why not? “It is the creative potential itself in human beings...