The Writer's Poke

These all seem like things my old high school math teacher, Jerry Parker, might say: A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired. A will is a dead giveaway. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key. A calendar’s days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine. A...

"Baby Got Book" is possibly the best Christian parody song I've ever heard; it is, of course, a parody of Sir Mix-a-Lot's 1992 classic "Baby Got Back."

Hi all, I posted the "Bible in a Minute" rap a couple of days ago, but Youtube has already removed it; the good news is, it's still up at http://www.stupidvideos.com.

Have you ever jumped on a hotel bed like this guy? I'm sure you have. I did that once in high school when my dad and I were at a chess tournament in Kansas City. I bounced into the headboard so hard that I knocked off the over-the-bed picture in the adjoining room. Boy, did that freak out those people... Dad and I heard some loud voices, and within a few seconds, we heard a knock on our door. For some reason, dad decided to answer the door. Was I scared? You could say that, but luckily the guy just wanted to see what the hell was going on...

Have you ever wondered if those Internet language translator web sites actually work? Someone decided to translate a short script from English to French to German, and then back to English. The dialogue that resulted is quite delightful. Click on the link below to watch the short 5 minute train wreck . http://www.noob.us/humor/lost-in-translation-seriously/

Do you guys like waterparks? I don't know if there is one in America, but in Germany, they actually have one that does a loop. Don't believe me? Check out the short video at this link: http://www.maniacworld.com/most-extreme-waterslide-ever.html Pretty darn cool...

Hello Bret fans. Today I passed my oral exams and defended my dissertation. One usually doesn't do both at the same time, but I received special permission. By the way, I don't recommend it. There's a reason to do oral exams one day and the dissertation defense a few months later... The good news is, I'm done, and will officially graduate in December. And if anyone wants to plan a big party, let's shoot for May 09 in Oxford, Mississippi. That's when I'll get to walk through the graduation ceremony. Oh, and that's a picture of Mark Twain. He received a few honorary degrees, and he loved to walk around in his graduation get-up. Maybe I should continue the tradition??

Why are there babies crawling on this television tower in the Czech Republic? That's a really good question.

1. Today on the Rush Limaugh show, Rush cried that "it's now coming out" that Barack Obama has changed some of his positions from the views he ran on in 2004 for Senate. Oh, really? How dare someone change their views! Better to think the same thing from birth to death. Who cares about learning? 2. Another Limbaugh lament: Barack doesn't know anything. All he does is parrot what he's been taught. This, my friends, from a man whose fans are called "ditto-heads." Give me a break. 3. If you don't like Obama's politics, that's fine. But what the hell? Limbaugh is pretty pathetic. Think about this: Limbaugh does a three hour monologue every day. Do you think he would ever be capable of holding a real conversation? There's a reason the format of the show is monologue-based.

All your beliefs will be shattered once you watch this video. Sweet dreams. :)

According to an article in The Onion, America's newspaper of record, Walmart now has a store open in Winesburg, Ohio. Apparently Winesburg and Walmart are a perfect match for each other. Check out the article at the link below. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28396

My friends: I admit it. I grew up with Reagan, and I still like Reagan; however, this cartoon says a lot. Republicans always call Democrats "tax and spend" liberals. In fact, McCain is trying to brand Obama with that label right now. The truth is, of the last four presidents (three Republicans and one Democrat), only one has managed to build a budget surplus. How did Clinton, a Democrat, do that? I used to like McCain, but he's turned himself into a politician this election, and I can't stand him now.

I've been on facebook for a while now, but did you know the greatest English writer of all time is a member, too? Click on the image for a bigger view. If you're not on facebook, why not join? Maybe you can even be a "friend of Bill."