The Writer's Poke

We try so hard to fit in, don't we? Wouldn't it be great if scientists could generically engineer us from birth? That way, we wouldn't have to worry about if we were enough like our peers and society. We would find automatic acceptance, as we wouldn't even have to think about how we could be more like our school chums, our cubical-dwelling neighbors, or even our church-sitting pew-mates. I jest, of course. No one needs "generic engineering"; it seems to be built into our genes. Ironically, even people that try to be different often end up being different in pathetically generic ways. Is there any escape? In a world of 6 billion people, probably not. Even people that are "one-in-a-million unique" will find that there are thousands of people just like them. Not to say that sharing common values and interests is a bad thing. But it's simply the process of being worn down to the least common denominator that bothers me. How can we fight generic engi...

Before going to work, I like to stop off at the local coffee shop in the morning. I find it's a good place to center myself, prep for the day ahead, and catch up on some grading. Meanwhile, hordes of older people congregate there, too, for no other purpose than to gossip, chat loudly, and drink coffee. And I have to admit it; if it weren't for my trusty headphones, I'm sure I would find them and their idle conversations to be annoying at best and depressing at worst. This morning I happened to forget my headphones, and so I was treated to chatter about who was most likely to be voted off American Idol, how late the winter Olympics forces people to stay up past sensible bedtimes, and where to stay in Las Vegas on upcoming adventures. I don't blame these people for being old. Unless you die, you have no control over the aging process. But I do blame them for how they apparently "live." Do their lives really revolve around TV and trips to Las Vegas? Or, is that...

Comic book characters do age, but not in the same way that you and I do. Upon her reintroduction to Gotham, the Huntress meets Catwoman , and Catwoman immediately takes to Huntress's renegade style. So, Huntress asks, how long have you and Batman been chasing each other? I know it's only been two or three years, Catwoman replies, but it feels like seventy. And that's how time works for comic book characters. Time isn't linear; it would be closer to say it's parallel, but even that isn't exactly correct. As DC comic fans know, until Infinite Crisis, continuity problems in characters and story lines were explained away through the use of parallel universes. Infinite Crisis put an end to the alternate realities, but character relaunchings still occur. Thus, Huntress's origin story is entirely rewritten, for example, and her placement in the DC Universe shifts. The writers claim the practice of starting characters over again and re-imagining their beginnings ...

Strange little video. Not sure it adds anything to the song... I like the song a lot, although some of the "heavier" H.I.M. fans think it sounds too pop. Video does show the band is aging a bit, but don't we all?

Like me, Roger Ebert is an Illinois boy. He has dedicated his life to one thing: watching movies. My initial reaction to that is: Gee, what a way to waste a life -- sitting in a dark room all day, living life vicariously by watching the fictional stories created in the minds of others. But that's just my initial reaction. When I stop to think about it for another two seconds, my thoughts shift to: Wow. He got paid to watch movies for a living. Of course he did a lot more than watch movies. He thought about them; he analyzed them; he wrote about them. I'm no Ebert fanboy; he and I don't always agree, but I generally respect his opinions and observations, and I love to read how he viewed a movie. I've never had the chance to watch a movie frame-by-frame with him, but I imagine that would be an illuminating experience. At this point in my life, all I can do is work my way through his The Great Movies I & II. Thanks to the invention of Netflix and the instant availabili...

Should we apologize for what is in our nature? According to Madonna, we shouldn't, and yet perhaps it's society's need to curb the individual that has promoted thousands of years of repression. The basic thesis of the movie Roshomon , for example, is that everyone lies. We all embellish our presentations to others to place ourselves in the best light. In other words, we attempt to present not our real selves, but our ideals. In truth, however, no one ever lives up to their ideals. So why do we feel the pressure to be something we're not? Why do we feel the need to pretend, or to apologize for failing to live up to something fake? The question is, what's wrong with being human? Granted, except for Britney Spears, most people wouldn't turn to Madonna for advice on how to live their lives, but perhaps Madonna actually is a modern-day prophet? "Dogs never bite me. Just humans." -- Marylin Monroe What is your definition of what it means to be human?

I don't sit around and think about Belinda Carlisle much these days, but I did in 1987. Something about the video "Heaven Is a Place on Earth" spoke to me, and if you keep in mind that I was 14 years old, you can probably guess what it was. At the time, she would have been 29, although I doubt that I gave her age much thought. I didn't know her history, or even that she was once in a band named the Go-Gos. To me, Belinda was fresh and new, and when I watched the video, I thought of her as virginal. Sure, there's a dude in the video, but he was my surrogate. And even as a 14 year old viewer, I could tell that she was just acting; she wasn't that into the stand-in. So, how does an average person meet and enter the world of the famous? Moreover, how does a 14 year old dude make a famous chick fall for his charms, when the only way to meet someone like Belinda might be at an autograph session, where one might only have five seconds to make an impression? These wer...

Do your music interests change over time? Looking back over the past 20 years, I'd say that mine have, although every group that I've liked in the past I tend to still like today. If I had to pick the top four or five band most important to me, though, here's what the past 20 years of preference looks like. What's yours? 2009 The 69 Eyes H.I.M. Iron Maiden Rammstein 2005 Lacuna Coil Lullacry The 69 Eyes Charon 1998 Megadeth Iron Maiden Scorpions Type O Negative 1993 KISS Megadeth Iron Maiden Scorpions 1988 KISS Winger Warrant Europe

The 69 Eyes may not be the most popular rock band to come out of Finland, but if not, they're right up there. And what does all of that success translate to in terms of mainstream American recognition? Zilch. Of course it's not surprising that commercial radio doesn't play their songs, and granted, their Gothic style and vampire-themed songs have a built-in limited audience appeal. Nevertheless, when I recently attended a concert in Minneapolis promoting their latest album Back in Blood , I was more than a little shocked to see the venue. It was just a hole-in-wall bar in a very generic-looking strip mall. I hadn't ordered advanced tickets, but when I arrived just before show time, maybe 100 people were there for the concert. On the other half of the bar, people watched the World Series and played pool. They didn't seem to know that the Helsinki Vampires had flown all the way to America to play for just us. So, one of the most popular bands from Finland, a band tha...

In 2 nd grade, it was a big honor, of course, to be allowed to run the film projector. Mrs. Brandt made us earn the privilege by handing out tokens for good behavior. Being in charge of the film projector might be worth 25 tokens, and it took a LONG time to earn 25 tokens -- maybe as long as two weeks or more, depending on how naturally naughty you happened to be. Those of us that hadn't yet learned the benefit of deferred gratification might elect, then, just to man the film strip, turning the crank every time the accompanying record beeped. Film strips weren't nearly as sexy, but at 10 tokens, they were quite the second grade bargain. So what kinds of things did we watch? It's been nearly 30 years, but I still remember Rosey Grier singing "It's Alright to Cry." How unusual was Rosey , a big, African-American football player, singing a song about how it was okay to express your feelings. And as far as I remember, none of the guys immediately started cryin...

Sean Hannity , Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck -- the modern-day Three Stooges. None of them would ever fight in a war themselves, but all of them love war. All of them believe in an Enemy, and without an Enemy, they would have nothing to talk about. Their whole worldview is wrapped up in an "us vs. them" mentality . They spend 99% of their time talking and 1% listening; they think they know all the answers, which means they don't value asking questions. Millions of people listen to what they say every day; I used to listen to Hannity and Rush, too, and it's amazing how they can fill 3 hours every day and say basically nothing, over and over again. And yet, the limited amount they do repeat over and over sticks in the minds of their listeners. What did Lenin say? "A lie told often enough becomes the truth." *** We shouldn't be surprised that the Three Stooges attack Obama for winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Frankly, they don't believe in peace, they do...

David Letterman admitted having sex with some female members of his staff. That fact in itself didn't initially bother me, but I did feel disappointed in his behavior. I don't think I registered why I felt disappointment when I first watched his apology. But now I've identified that I am most disappointed not because he cheated on his wife, and not even because he used his power and his position for sex, but because he has now been outed as a major hypocrite. Letterman fans, and yes I have been one for over 25 years, are, not surprisingly, quick to defend him. Everyone makes mistakes, and no one is perfect. Sure, sure. But this is a guy that's made his living poking fun at the flaws of others -- including the sexual flaws of others. In other words, I thought he would know better. And, I still think that he did know better, but he decided to listen to his sex drive rather than the one or two tiny parts of the male brain that don't think about sex 24/7. Everyone wants...

The only Cookie Monster my daughter knows plays soccer with Ernie, ice skates with Big Bird, and likes to eat healthy foods, such as apples, salad, and milk. This was not the Cookie Monster I grew up with. In the 1970s, Cookie Monster was always shoving cookies into his mouth. But even at the age of 5, I could tell that he wasn't actually eating any of the cookies. You see, the Cookie Monster didn't have a throat, and un -eaten cookies were obviously flying everywhere. Nevertheless, the good people at the Children's Television Network decided in 2006 that the Cookie Monster was a bad example for children, and soon thereafter, he was shown exercising and eating healthy snacks. He can still "eat" the occasional cookie, but for all intents and purposes, he's been neutered. Not surprisingly, no one seems to care that Cookie Monster doesn't speak grammatically-correct English. When he talks, he sounds like he learned English from either Frankenstein...

Vin Diesel has a facebook site for his fans, and he recently posted a picture of himself in Japan. He's over there to promote the premiere of a new film, and one of the captions for a photo in his online album reads: "Hiding in plain sight." Vin is standing on a Tokyo street, and none of the passersby seem to notice him. Certainly, they notice that he's an American, and perhaps they know that he is Vin Diesel. Maybe it's the culture that allows him to be out in the open without a mob of fans attacking him. If he tried to walk down the street in any American city, he'd probably need body guards, and I'm sure there'd be professional photographers out stalking his every move. When I saw this picture, I thought: I'd like to be Vin Diesel for a day. I'd have no interest in switching lives with him, or anyone else, on a permanent basis, but wouldn't it be fun to be someone else for a day? I'm not sure exactly how that would work, as you...

Tavi decided that she doesn't like going to daycare. Her mom and I both work full-time gigs, so while we'd both love to stay home and play with her all day, every day, that's simply not an option. Seeing her get upset is, well, upsetting. And spending the mornings worrying that the phone will ring ("Please come get your uncontrollably-crying daughter, Mr. Fuller") sucks. Dori in Finding Nemo has a wonderful philosophy that I like to use in times like these: "Just keep swimming." If you're a fish, what choice do you have really? As far as I know, fish can't drown. I hate to complain. My name isn't Job, and I recognize how good my life is. It's just that little stresses have the same weight as gigantic ones. How is that possible? Okay. You don't care about my troubles, and so I will put my violin away. Do you have a violin of your own that you want to play? Please, be my guest. What stresses you out? Maybe writing about it would help. ...

KISS is releasing its first studio album in eleven years later this fall. Why did it take them eleven years? In part, because Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley think they know what the fans want. The fans want to hear "Rock and Roll All Nite," "Deuce," and "Strutter." They do not, according to Simmons and Stanley, want to listen to new material. Is that true? Do KISS fans only want to listen to the same ten or twenty songs over and over again? I find that very hard to believe. Then again, there's something comforting about listening to what you already know, as opposed to having to break in new material. And how in the world can a new song compete with one that you've heard hundreds of times? If your favorite songs act as the soundtrack to your life, then KISS fans may simply want to tap into the past. New songs are best sung by new artists for young people whose pasts are not yet formed. Now, you might think this is a bit of a stretch, but groups like...

One of my favorite literal videos. Almost as good as Rick Astley's "Never Going to Give You Up."

One of the common criticisms of William Shakespeare's Hamlet is that he thinks too much. While there's nothing wrong with thinking, per se, and while most would acknowledge that thinking is probably a good thing when used in moderation, thinking too much can lead to the prison of inaction. I don't know that Hamlet's flaw was over-thinking. And, it's not clear to me that Hamlet was guilty of inaction. But this isn't a lesson on Hamlet, and I don't want to spend too much time thinking about it. Let's just take as a starting place that Hamlet thinks a lot. Othello, on the other extreme, is an impulsive chap. Some would say that impulse is his downfall, and that he acts too quickly and doesn't think things through sufficiently. Again, I'm not saying I necessarily buy into that analysis, okay? So cut me some slack here. My point is simply thus: some of us are more like Hamlet, and some of us are more like Othello. And some of us are more like one of t...

Yes, I used to listen to AM talk radio. Why? Well, back in the late 1980s and early 1990s, I lived within range of WLS , the "50,000 Watt Flamethrower" out of Chicago. In addition to syndicated programs like The Rush Limbaugh Show and Art Bell's Coast to Coast , I really enjoyed listening to local host Roe Conn's Saturday morning and weekday afternoon shows. All of these shows were entertaining, and that's why I listened. By the end of the 1990s, however, entertaining no longer seemed to be a prerequisite to getting a show, or growing an audience. Have you ever heard The Sean Hannity Show ? Here's a show with no redeeming value, and I say that not just because I disagree with the man's narrow-minded politics. Even today I can still listen to Rush, for example, because he's interesting, at least most of the time. Rush prepares for his shows and always has a "stack of stuff" to talk about. Hannity , on the other hand, never seems to prepare....