As I was listening to the new Helloween album (a
very good album, by the way), I had a thought fly through my mind. “I bet this
is the sort of music that Neanderthals could appreciate.” The thought made me
smile. No one will ever know what sort of music Neanderthals might like, but
wouldn’t it be neat to imagine them head-banging on the walls of their caves in
Northern Europe?
But if one Harvard scientist has his way, perhaps we
can discover what sort of music
Neanderthals like to rock out to. Professor George Church is looking for “adventurous
volunteers.” Sorry guys, he’s looking for female volunteers. His idea is to
embed the DNA of a 33,000 year old Neanderthal into a human embryo.
Then, just put the said embryo inside that adventurous
female, wait nine months, and watch the mad-capped fun of science play itself
out. Remember Phil Hartman’s “Caveman Lawyer” character from Saturday Night Live? Maybe in 25 years,
you can have your own caveman lawyer representing you at your divorce. All
thanks to Professor Church, and the magic of science.
So, is this a bad idea? If this an example
of what gives science a “bad name,” or is it a fruitful scientific experiment?
And just what sort of music do Neanderthals like, anyway?
I bet when Neanderthal kids would make a snowman,
someone would always end up saying, “Don’t forget the think, heavy brows.” Then
they would get all embarrassed because they remembered they had the big husky
brows too, and they’d get made and eat the snowman. – Jack Handy
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